Aug. 16th, 2016

victoriarch: screencap of Haruhi Fujioka with the sunset behind him (Default)
Card 1: How you feel about yourself

The Sun

You are feeling abundantly happy and joyful - if you don't, be assured that you are about to enter a period of success and fulfillment.

This is a time of pleasure, vitality and good health, travel and holidays to be enjoyed. Good news around children or the conception of a longed-for baby.

The Sun heralds an ending to difficulties and a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones.

Card 2: What you want most right now

The Hierophant

Tight now you want to have someone around you that you can trust and confide in, knowing that they won't let you down.

There are moral issues here, knowing right from wrong, and you may feel that you need some advice of wise counsel from a teacher, priest, parent or someone that you have a lot of respect for, in order to help you make the right decision.

Card 3: Your fears

The Moon

Lies and insecurity are likely to be prominent in your life at the moment - you are afraid of being deceived and feel that you are being misled. Trust your instincts and let them guide you away from those who may seem charming but are only our for their own gains.

Your turbulent emotions are muddying that waters - step back and try to find clarity of mind although this may seem difficult. The Moon does help to illuminate the way and don't worry, it will turn out all right in the end.

Card 4: What is going for you

The Chariot

Drive, drive, drive, that's what's going for you. You certainly aren't a quitter.

The appearance of the Chariot tells of conflicts ending in victory, so don't give up. Battle on and you will succeed.

This is a time of movement and change. Expect a journey relating to work, and if you've had your eye on that car, it will soon be yours.

Card 5: What is going against you

The Empress

There are conflicts around you, frustrations and possibly a breakup in a relationship.

Be careful not to overreact and become too protective or dictatorial about your needs and whatever you do, do not resort to emotional blackmail - it won't do you any favors.

You may be experiencing infertility problems or an unplanned pregnancy. If so just know that there are people around you who love and care for you and will provide support.

Card 6: The likely outcome

The High Priestess

Your intuitive powers are at their height at this moment in time; only by listening carefully and trusting them completely can you embrace that power.

Do this and you will make strong, clear, self-assured decisions.

Allow for flexibility and expect promising outcomes.


Card 1 application: accurate :) I've been feeling relatively happy lately. I also feel like I'm entering a new phase of my life, spiritually and artistically.

Card 2 application: Yeah; more specifically, I want to be able to trust and confide in the people I'm already around. I want to be able to be honest with my friends and family about who I am, what I want, how I feel, etc. Additionally, I'm concerned that I won't have an outlet for my thoughts now that my two older sisters are leaving for college. And of course, I wish my parents would be more supportive this 'figuring-shit-out' period that I'm currently going through. Because right now I don't feel like I can trust them or talk to them or turn to them for support.

Card 3 application: 'Lies & insecurities,' meaning I feel like I can't be honest about who I am, what I want, how I feel, etc. And it's difficult to address that or change when everyone expects certain things from you. But I don't want to be dishonest anymore. I'm also worried about my future as an artist. I have no guidance when it comes to applying for art colleges, and I don't know what's expected of me. I'm worried that my ignorance and isolation is cheating me out of the easiest possible art career/college paths.

Card 4 application: True.

Card 5 application: Well, my sisters are leaving for college. That's rough for me. And I've always been protective about my spiritual life & art, because those are the two most important things to me, and being open&honest leaves me feeling uncomfortably vulnerable. I'm getting to a better place though. I'm learning to be chiller- less dictatorial.

Card 6 application: I need to stop being so worried about my art. I just need to do my best, work hard, and know that I'll get to where I need to be eventually.

reading from

~Aug 16, 2016~


disclaimer: I'm writing this late the night before my first day of school, and I'm not bothering to proofread it, so sorry that it's awkwardly written.
victoriarch: crescent moon against a daytime-blue sky (moon)
I dreamed that I was planning on going to a 'concert' with my friends. I put quotations around concert because this impending event was more of a 'white-29-year-old-youth-pastors-trying-to-appeal-to the-youth-via-pop-music-and-fruit-punch.' My friends and I were all just going as an excuse to hang out outside of school. I also planned to bake some snickerdoodle muffins to bring for my friends :)

Anyways, a few days before the concert, I was sitting at our family computer thinkin about the snickerdoodle muffins and such. That's when my mom came in, and in her signature apologetic voice informed me that we didn't really have adequate ingredients to make propersnickerdoodle muffins. She said that ALL of our white flour and sugar was mixed together in one giant container, so I wouldn't be able to measure the proper quantity of either ingredient.

I followed my mom down to the kitchen and asked why we couldn't just go to the store to get more flour and sugar. She was like, 'noo we can't do thaat.'

And in my head I reasoned, what's the point of bringing my friends snickerdoodle muffins if they're not even going to cook/taste right?. So I told my mom 'then I"m just not gonna make the muffins. If there any other baked good I can make with the ingredients we DO have?'

My mom got soo upset with me. She was like, 'You just don't want to make the snickerdoodle muffins because you don't want your dad to have any! You're father is not being invasive- all he wants are a few muffins! he does so much to provide for you and this is how you act!'

My dream switched to me thinking about whether I even wanted to go to this concert or not. It sounded kind of boring and too-social for me. Plus I hate any element of adults catering to their idea of what the kids think is cool and hip. Which that's basically all this concert was gonna be. So I asked my friends if they still planned on going, and they were like 'yaa.' My dream ended before I decided to go or not.


Dream Meaning

My mom always assumes we're angry at her. She always talks to us like she's failed us and like she knows she's failed us and like she just doesn't want us to be angry at her. WHY? I'm not angry at her. I'm not even an angry or mean person? And I'm really go-with-the-flow and flexible. Like, if there's a problem/delay/etc I'll make it work. It's no big deal, it never is. Her apologetic tone of voice is always more infuriating than whatever she feels like she needs to apologize for.? idk. BUt she's been using that tone a lot lately. It makes me feel guilty and also guilt-tripped.

Secondly, my mom always uses dad as an excuse. Whenever she has an opinion- about ANYTHING- she justifies it using dad. She's always like, 'Your father thinks..' or 'DAD wants you to [fill-in-the-blank]', and my sisters and I are always like, 'no, YOU think that, and YOU want us to do that, and if dad feels that way HE should be telling us not you. (we say that amongst ourselves, we don't say that TO her).

I'm not trying to speak badly about my mom. I love her, and I just want her to be happy, because I sense that she isn't happy. I sense that she feels like she's not allowed to respect her own feelings, and that she puts everyone else's feelings ahead of hers. Then she gets angry when no one seems grateful for her doing so. BUT, I really wish she'd just do what she wants more, instead of always putting everyone else's interests ahead of hers. She deserves to live her own life, not everyone else's life. It makes me sad, because I know she is sad and lonely and she doesn't know what to do about it. :(

So yeah, this dream was a manifestation of my mom's energy.

It was also a manifestation of my efforts to hang out with my friends and please them. I want to be closer with them, because I always feel on the outside (it's my fault, not their's; it's just the way I am). I suppose the mixed flour and sugar represented my seemingly irreversible relationship insecurities. Those insecurities that I WANT to overcome, but I have no idea how, as I've never succeeded yet in my life.

There's probably a lot more I can pull from this dream, but it's late right now, and I'm going to bed. too bad.. :/ (I'm not even proofreading)


TLDR: I dreamed I didn't have the ingredients to make muffins for my friends, and my mom was very upset with me. This dream represented my relationship insecurities (with my mother and friends)


victoriarch: screencap of Haruhi Fujioka with the sunset behind him (Default)

October 2016


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