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[personal profile] victoriarch
Disclaimer: it's 1:11 in the morning and I don't have the energy to revise this dream. I didn't even read back thru it, so it'll be poorly written until I get around to editing it.

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I don't remember most of my dream last night, but I do remember one scene: Basically, my art teacher had sent home a 'terms & conditions' type document that all art students had to sign before they took her class. And you know how most high school teachers will shorten their syllabus down to one or two comprehensive pages? yeah nO, this document was at least five pages long, and it was just a list of rules we had to abide by in the art room.

So I sat on my bed at home and [quickly] skimmed the pages as I flipped through the packet. Now, I've attended Mrs. Art's art classes for 2 years, so i figured I already knew the rules- all the basic 'don't talk when the teacher is talking', 'don't work on other class's homework in art class','cutting/carving tools don't leave the art room', etc. I knew what Mrs. Art expected of us.

But then one of points on the last page caught my eye. I immediately felt sick to my stomach.

The point was worded something like, 'This school and art class wants to uphold biblical values and prepare its students to confront the secular world they live in. The world does it's best to distort the clear differences God made between men and women. Therefore, all art students will do their best accentuate feminine and masculine physical features accordingly in any human figures they draw.'

I felt very singled out, like I'd been caught red-handed. I am a very very queer person, and I love for my art to reflect myself and the things that I think about, but this rule was going to restrict the freedom of my content. I know Mrs. Art and the school staff weren't intentionally aiming that point at me (bc they think I'm str8), but I still felt singled out and a little scared.

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Dream Meaning

So, I know why I had this dream. I'm an art aid for Mrs. Art during one of my free periods. And on my first day assisting her, she asked me to research an art showcase that our school was invited to participate in.

She said, "When you have free time, could you research this art festival called 'Tell Your Story?' It's in [nearby town], and this is the first year that we've been invited to it, and I know nothing about it. tbh I'm worried that it might be a transgender thing. It looks preeetty sketchy to me, so just research it and tell me what it's all about."

The second she said 'I think it's a transgender thing' I filled with fear and got sick to my stomach. The exact same feeling I got when I read the bullet point in my dream. Because Mrs. Art is one of the most important people in the world to me. But I know she can never love the real me :( (I'm not out to her)

I've also been trying to come up with original art pieces for my portfolio. Most of my ideas rn have to do with criticizing the evangelicalism, discussing my personal [non-christian] spirituality, and just talking about how I feel about Life & the world (including gender and queer stuff). Of course, I always have to make them cryptic enough to prevent Mrs. Art from understanding the real meanings; I do go to an evangelical school after all.

But let's say I'm painting a picture that has angels in it, or other clearly biblical themes; Mrs. Art is inevitably going to ask what the painting symbolizes. What do I tell her then?? I don't want to lie about my art. art is the most important thing to me, I don't want to lie about it. This is a dilemma I've been struggling with a lot lately as I plan out my art ideas for this semester. This feeling manifested itself in my dream at the part when I was like, 'aaaa this rule makes me feel so restricted! IWhy can't I make the content I want to make!'

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TLDR: I dreamed that my art teacher made a rule against drawing androgynous character. I had this dream because of a transphobic comment my art teacher made two days prior, and I had this dream because I'm having trouble coming up with art pieces that are acceptable at an evangelical school in the Bible Belt.

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victoryarch

October 2016

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